Substack, My Experience

This might seem a bit out of left field from me. I just wanted to ramble on and share some of my experiences and how some things have affected me. I'll also give some shouts to certain people that have sort of anchored me here so.

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The Beginning.

I started Substack wanting to share my book series ‘Devouring Abyss.’ That was the whole goal, not even to get many readers, but to know I put it out there.

I ended up talking with my aunt and some others which lead to me sharing very personal information. I don't mind people knowing me or my past, but I did eventually feel the consequences of my actions. Those who remember my ‘Cory’ series, thank you for the support. It meant a lot.

I honestly wasn't going to go in depth, but I gained reasoning through my aunt and HVR. I would tag him, but he has me blocked. No fault from him either, I still respect him. Regardless of the drama and such that came out.

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Cory - Childhood.

This series I wouldn't call a mistake, but I would call it stressful. I got a lot of DMs, comments, and publicity from it. Even people saying I gave them support for coming out.

What I really struggled with was the amount of support that also came as hate. I never expected things to go this way. I just wanted to share and support others that may have gone through much of the same.

The amount of slander I endured towards my family for this… That broke my heart. Really. They did their best, no parent is perfect. Yes, I endured a lot and some of it was deserved hate. Yet I didn't want to hear those things directed to my family. I've always stated I love them.

I do feel guilty taking it all down just from some bad actors, especially when it seemed to be helping others. I just wanted to only be as positive as I could here. That ended up becoming my goal even over sharing my series.

I won't say too much more on this unless someone specifically asks.

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Positive influences.

I just wanted to share some people that fill feed with positivity. There are many others, but these are the faces I see the most on mine.

Buzz Kantwrite - The funniest guy on Substack! Well that I know of. Every note is full of efforts to uplift others. He's extremely witty with everything he comes up with. Honestly I really should share him more, he's also one of the first people I met on here.

Aaliya - Who could have a bigger heart than her? She shares so much positivity and love in every note. She lays herself bare through her posts—she shows love in comments, too.

imi - A heartfelt writer who I've only seen positive notes from. She has some powerful posts about reflection, love, and hurt.

Stefan Pasek - Dad jokes galore. This guy is extremely friendly, loves karaoke, spreads positivity, and he's an overall joy to be around. I think anyone would love him and his content.

know your innerverse - A sweetheart and one of the most creative writers I know. Their perspectives are always so intriguing! They are also who I talk to most on here. Between their high energy and exceptional positivity, I think you'll love them!

Cailin - This girl worries more about giving the spotlight to everyone else. She hurts when her content is ignored, but holds it in. No matter what you see from her, it'll always be about uplifting someone somewhere. She's genuine in her heart.

Fiona Bridges - Well, if you want to get a bit “hot and bothered,” I think is what they say. She's full of support and if you need a haiku tag—there's your girl!

Mathew C. Bryant • Horror Poet - His writing is fantastic! So is his personality. He's a note conossiesuer as they say. One of the most supportive people I've met on here, too.

Of course there are many more, too. These are just some of the major ones I see right now.

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Drama

I know some people have been curious about the situation involving Mack and HVR, and I’m honestly tired of the speculation and questions surrounding it.

The truth is a lot less dramatic than people seem to want it to be. I don’t hate either of them, and I don’t think either of them are villains. I connected with both people in different ways.

HVR blocked me, and while some people expect me to be angry about that, I’m really not. I understand why things may have unfolded the way they did, and I still respect him. I also don’t dislike Mack, despite everything that happened around that period.

There isn’t some massive hidden story or side I’m secretly taking. I’m just exhausted from feeling pulled into conflict that was never mine to begin with.

I’m not interested in choosing sides or feeding drama. I genuinely just want to share my writing, support people I care about, and exist here peacefully.

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Negativity

If you asked me a few months back, I would say this space was extremely warm. Everyone had been kind, supportive, and honestly it was the first space I felt accepted. It was enough so that I shared some of my personal story.

Now if you asked me… I still think the space is positive, but I’ve realized online spaces can still fall into a lot of unhealthy patterns and emotional reactions. There's constant bickering, the he said—she said, the black and white, and overall just immaturity.

This seemed like a mature place just months ago, yet now I get pestered with DMs, see negative restacks, and a bunch of childish remarks. At times it’s started feeling emotionally exhausting in ways I didn’t expect.

I know that makes me sound extremely off putting and negative, but that's how I see it.

This is even from people that I originally thought were level-headed and mature. I won't state names and they probably already know who they are anyway.

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The future for me

Currently Substack has been extremely stressful. Sometimes I'll ignore my DMs for awhile unless I see certain people I know. I feel awful because there's a lot of nice supportive people in these, too.

I fall behind on notifications constantly and it eats at me. It's like I'm putting shackles on myself that are hard to remove. Self-inflicted expectations.

Right now I'm still enjoying sharing and hanging out with people. I do keep having the urge to quit, though. I think if I do end up leaving I may just let a few know and just deactivate my account.

Perhaps I'll just take a break in the future or just restart anew, I'm not sure. For the moment—I'll be here sharing.

Every positive person referenced earlier can easily take my place. If I'm gone, I hope you can find your fulfillment in them. ❤️

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Sorry about the walls of text. Just a lot of thoughts that have been going on in my head. This was all written up within a few minutes so sorry for mistakes.

~~Until then, I'll still be here out in fantasy land.

Thank you for reading if you did. Sorry for something so far out of my normal.

Much love,

Cory.